When other people behave in a way you don’t like, you have two choices.
You can either be critical and judgmental which makes YOU feel bad.
Or you can give grace which makes YOU feel good.
This can be applied to not only the relationships most important to you, but to complete strangers.
What Does Punishing Yourself for Other People’s Behavior Look Like?
I often hike the amazing trails in Austin with my sweet pup, Rain.
I had learned at one point, that when I am passing an on-coming biker, the biker should yield.
And when the biker is coming up behind me, I should yield.
Well 90% of the time, when a biker is coming toward me, they do not yield.
This used to really get me fired up.
They are supposed to yield. They are so rude. What is wrong with that guy? I’m not stopping. THEY are supposed to stop.
Did thinking this way get the biker to yield? NO!
The only thing thinking this way resulted in was making me feel critical, righteous and judgmental.
I was basically making MYSELF feel bad for their “bad behavior.”
It was so silly.
Punishing myself for the way someone else was acting.
I recently noticed I was doing this and decided it was time to change the story.
Giving Grace Instead of Punishing Myself with Other People’s Behavior
I am giving these bikers grace.
Not because I like what they are doing.
Because it makes ME feel better.
Maybe they don’t know. That’s not what they have been told. It is actually easier for me to stop, then it is for them. If I were them, I’d want me to stop too.
This story makes me feel so much better.
It makes me feel open, curious, light and grace-full.
Even a little connected to them as another human.
And you know what is really crazy?
Since I shifted my thinking on this, more bikers are actually starting to yield for me.
That my friend is the power of – where your focus goes, your energy flows.
I’m showing them grace, which creates good energy, which creates positive results.
Changing the way you think, changes the results in your life.
How Stop to Punishing Yourself for Other People’s Behavior
- Become aware of when you are doing it.
- Recognize that YOU are the one making YOURSELF feel bad.
- Decide on purpose you are not going to attack yourself with other people’s actions.
- Ask yourself, what is the kindest interpreation?
Start practicing this with strangers.
Then you can bring it into the relationships that matter to you most.
Give it a try – It’s AMAZING!!!
I Can Help
My name is Laura Hayek and I am a nurse coach
I help women make the time they say they don’t have for self-care, without being a jerk to themselves.
Together, we create routines and habits for a healthier body, mind and spirit.
Check out my website, www.laurahayek.com, schedule a complimentary coaching session
Learn how I can help you improve your relationship with not only yourself, but with the people you love most!