I have really taken notice lately of my habit of judging other people.
I judge when people behave in a way I don’t like.
I judge when people say things I don’t like.
I judge myself when I’m judging.
And what’s the most hilarious to me is that I judge others when they are being judgmental.
I Caught Myself Judging Someone for Being Judgmental
I went to lunch recently with a women I had never met before.
She had very strong opinions about many things.
She had especially strong opinions on the behaviors of her three-adult-sons’ wives.
As I was listening to her tell a story about how useless these women are at family dinners, I thought, “good lord this woman needs a life coach.”
I was judging her for judging her daughters-in-law.
Why is Judging Others for Being Judgmental a Problem
My being harsh, critical or judgmental not only creates disconnection, it makes me feel bad.
I found myself feeling uncomfortable, fidgety and wanting to escape.
She was not creating this – I was creating this for myself because of the way I was thinking.
I was making myself feel bad for her behavior.
After noticing what I was doing, I immediately took the steps to recover.
How to Stop Judging Others and Making Yourself Feel Bad
Step One – Notice When You are Being Judgmental
Be on to your brain. Awareness is key. Pay attention to what is going on in your head when you are interacting with others.
Is your internal dialogue helpful?
Step Two – Don’t beat yourself up for it.
Being critical is your brain’s job. It is always on the lookout for problems to solve in order to keep you safe. It just gets a little confused sometimes about what problems it actually needs to solve.
Step Three – Redirect to a More Connecting Thought
Ask yourself what else is true?
I said to myself, this lady has a very different relationship with her daughters-in-law than I hope to have with mine. That’s okay. I don’t like the way she’s talking about them, but I do like the fact that she coordinates dinners with her family.
I shifting to feeling more connected with her, because Instead of focusing on our differences, I focused on what we had in common.
Next time you catch yourself judging someone for being judgmental, give this a try. Ask yourself, what else can I think that is equally true that makes ME feel better?
I Can Help
My name is Laura Hayek and I am a nurse coach
I help women make the time they say they don’t have for self-care, without being a jerk to themselves.
Together, we create routines and habits for a healthier body, mind and spirit.
Check out my website, www.laurahayek.com, schedule a complimentary coaching session
Learn how I can help you improve your relationship with not only yourself, but with the people you love most!