Emotions are not problems to fix, but feelings to process.
When you are feeling negative emotions like anger, irritation, frustration, or any other emotion that creates tightness or constriction, the first thing to do is not to talk yourself out of it.
The first step is to name the emotion and allow the emotion by dropping out of your head and into your body.
Process the Negative Emotion Before Redirecting Your Brain
I am not saying you should not redirect your thoughts to help you generate more helpful emotions.
I am saying that you are already in that emotional state and you need to process that feeling before moving on.
Unprocessed feelings do not go away.
They simmer and wait for the next opportunity to present themselves.
Trying to talk yourself out of anger before you process it physically is resisting the anger.
Think of the anger as a beach ball.
Resisting the anger is like trying to shove the beach ball under the water and hold it down – it will just burst to the surface when you stop resisting it.
Before shifting your mindset, process the anger.
Six Steps to Process Negative Emotion
- 1) Bring awareness to it and name it – “this is anger”
- 2) Remind yourself that emotions are problems to fix, but feelings to process
- 3) Place your hand where you are physically feeling the emotion – face, chest, throat, etc.
- 4) Drop out of your head (stop talking to yourself) and focus all of your attention to where you are feeling it in your body
- 5) Breath.
- 6) Once the physical feeling has subsided it is time to redirect to a more helpful thought.
Prepare Yourself Ahead of Time
This is a learned skill and requires much awareness and practice.
It also often requires your preparing ahead of time.
Planning on having a difficult conversation with someone you love, know you are working on a project that involves someone that is not your favorite co-worker, or driving home in rush-hour traffic?
Be on to yourself and aware ahead of time that this will probably trigger you to think a certain way that creates negative emotions.
Remind yourself before you enter those situations that emotions are not problems to fix, but feelings to process.
Follow the 6 steps to processing emotions.
And be free of the suffering that comes from resisting negative emotions!
I Can Help
My name is Laura Hayek and I am a nurse coach
I help women make the time they say they don’t have for self-care, without being a jerk to themselves.
Together, we create routines and habits for a healthier body, mind and spirit.
Check out my website, www.laurahayek.com, schedule a complimentary coaching session
Learn how I can help you improve your relationship with not only yourself, but with the people you love most!