Step TWO – FOCUS ON WHAT I CAN CONTROL
The empowered mindset
An empowered mindset is essential to making any change or taking on any challenge. It helps us to focus on what we have control over and not waste energy on areas we don’t.
The first step to having an empowered mindset is taking full responsibility for your emotions and not blaming them on other people or situations. Read more about the first step here:
5 Step Process to an Empowered Mindset necessary for Creating Healthy Habits
The second step is keeping focus on what you alone can control – what you think feel and do.
Shifting the Story
For example, when I was pulling out of my parking space at work yesterday, a man drove up behind me quickly, stuck his head out the window, shaking his fist and shouting, “Get the F out of the way!”
My anger was immediate. I’m sure most people would feel that way. I really wanted to let him have it. However, I chose to calmly get away from him and process the anger with some deep breathing. I also, reminded myself to bring the focus back to me. “I have absolutely no control over that loon and how I want to feel about this is completely optional.”
I decided to focus on the only thing I really have control over – my own thoughts, feelings and actions. I didn’t have any control over this guy’s behavior, I only had control over how I wanted to think about it and the action I took.
I decided to not give him control over my emotional wellbeing and changed the story from, “this guy is so out of line and should not be acting this way toward me, I need to show him” to “I do believe this man is off his rocker and I need to give him space so I don’t get hurt. It must suck to be such a crazy person.”
Your life, other people, situations in the world or your past does not have to change in order for you to have an empowered mindset.
It’s so important to put space between the facts in our world and the story we tell ourselves about those facts. Because it’s those stories that generate how we feel about ourselves and the world around us.
My automated thoughts made me feel angry and defensive and the thoughts I chose to think on purpose made me feel more in control and even a little compassion.
Using the Empowered Mindset for Creating Healthy Habits
Another example comes from one of my clients who is trying to loose weight. She stepped on the scale one day, and it was 2lbs higher than the last time she weighed herself.
She immediately felt discouraged. Why? Not because of the 2lbs, but because she was thinking, “Ugh, I’m not making any progress. What’s the point?”
The fact is the scale went up 2lbs. In that moment, she has absolutely no control over that fact. The only thing she has control over is what she wants to think about it. The most helpful way to think about it will generate feelings and actions that keep her moving closer to her goal.
I helped her to shift that story a little to, “This 2lbs does not mean I’m a failure. My weight can fluctuate as much as 5 lbs in one day. I’m working every day to be the person who weighs ____. What do I want to think, feel and do about it today?”
The fact of the 2lbs. does not change, just the story. The first story made her feel discouraged and like a failure. The second story acknowledged the 2lbs, but generated compassion, commitment and curiosity. Curiosity that lead to solutions that brought her weight back down the following week.
The first story would have kept her stuck, the second story is moving her closer to her dream weight.
What are some stories that are keeping you stuck?
I can Help
My name is Laura Hayek and I am a nurse coach who helps empower women over 40 to create habits for a healthier body, mind and spirit.
Check out my website, www.laurahayek.com, to schedule a free coaching session to discover how I can help you on your journey to holistic health!