Do you talk to yourself like your own worst enemy or like a friend?
Before coaching, I was a total jerk to myself. I beat myself up for mistakes, criticized myself in the mirror and reminded myself daily of my shortcomings.
After coaching, I have become my own best friend. I have my own back and allow myself to be the imperfect human that I am.
Sometimes I’m doing great, and sometimes I suck. I used to beat myself into the ground when falling short, but now I give myself some grace and lots of self-compassion.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is a combinations of 1) mindful-awareness, 2) recognizing our humanness and 3) talking to ourselves with respect and kindness.
It’s bringing awareness to how you are talking yourself.
It is recognizing that you, like all other humans, sometimes feel hard feelings and make bad choices.
It’s shifting the way you speak to yourself, like you would speak to a friend having a hard time, with comfort and compassion.
Recently I lost It With My Wonderful Husband, John
I’ve been dealing with a little extra stress lately.
A little over a month ago, I helped my 77-year-old mom who has stage-four cancer move across the country. Selling the house she lived in for 52 years, emptying the house in four days by myself, moving her across the country, and getting her established in Austin both with her new residence and her new medical team has been challenging.
It’s been a lot.
One day, I was not in the best mood. John and I were having a disagreement, he said something I didn’t like, and I lost it. I mean swearing, screaming, slamming doors. Thank goodness no one else was home to witness this meltdown. Poor John.
I was seriously hating on myself for a few days. I can’t believe you did that. You are such a looser. You haven’t changed at all. You are a lunatic. What is wrong with you?
I was being a total jerk to myself and making myself feel even worse.
Thank goodness I know about self-compassion
Why Is Self-Compassion So Important When You Fall Short
Failure is part of being human. We are not robots. Sometimes I’m doing great and sometimes I really fall short.
You cannot walk this earth without making choices you regret. Self-compassion not only helps you get through a tough time, it can help you get back on track a lot faster to the person you want to be.
I shifted from beating myself up to:. I’m sorry I acted that way. That’s not who I want to be. I was feeling big emotions. I’m under l lot of stress lately. It’s okay. I am human. I am going through a lot right now. We all have bad days. What do I need right now?
I started to feel better. And bringing in some self-compassion made me realize that I needed to do a little more mindset work and self-care. I was back on track.
How To Start Practicing Self-Compassion?
First, start paying attention to how you speak to yourself.
Second, recognize that you are a human. Being a human is sometimes hard. Being human means we make mistakes.
Third, place a hand on your heart and say to yourself, “I’ve got you. Sometimes things are hard. I am human. I’m doing my best and sometimes I fall short of my best. What can I do right now to make you feel better?”
I Can Help
My name is Laura Hayek and I am a nurse coach who helps empower women over 40 to create habits for a healthier body, mind and spirit.
Check out my website, www.laurahayek.com, to schedule a free coaching session to discover how I can help you on your journey to holistic health!