Step Three – Accepting Reality
Step Three to an empowered mindset is accepting reality.
Fighting reality is a waste of time and energy, and always leaves us feeling disempowered.
For example, one of my four kids has a problem that I really want to help him with. Helping our kids is great, right? Except when the only person who can solve the problem is the person with the problem.
My brain on default thinks I can fix this for him. Boy I really, really, really want to fix it. I believe deep down that I have the answers and if he would only do what I think he should do his problem would go away. If I had a magic wand that would make him do what I would like, boy I would use it!
My brain on default also believes that I know what is best for my 21-year-old.
However, that’s not really true. The reality is that we are all on our own path – each one of us. And truly the only one who can pave that path is the one walking it.
Me trying to pave my son’s path for him is denying reality. The reality is that he is the only one who can solve his problem.
My job is not to solve his problem, but to show up as the best mom I can. Trying to “fix” him is just going to make me crazy.
Denying the way things are keeps us stuck and focused on the problem.
I refer to this as “shoulding” the world, myself or others:
- This shouldn’t be happening.
- I shouldn’t have done that.
- He/she shouldn’t be acting that way.
With my son, I’m thinking, “He shouldn’t be acting this way. He should do what I tell him and his problem would be solved. He shouldn’t be feeling this way.”
The fact is he is and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I have absolutely no control over what he thinks, says or does. The only thing I have control over is how I show up in my relationship with him.
The only thing I can do that I have power over is show up as the mom I want to be. Someone who is grounded, supportive, loving, open and curious.
I came up with the following more empowering thoughts to practice:
- I sit with my son in his hard emotions, it is not my job to fix them.
- I love my son and he is on the exact path he is supposed to be.
- My son is supposed to have challenges – we all have challenges.
- My son is supposed to feel negative emotions – all humans have negative emotions.
- I support my son in his challenges, I do not try to fix them.
- I know he is going to figure this out.
The fact is my sweet boy is going through a tough time. There’s absolutely nothing I can do about it except think about it in a way that keeps me in an energy that is most supportive to him.
I want to feel empowered, loving, compassionate and supportive, because feeling tight, restrictive and controlling is not going to help him.
Accepting the facts of any situation is such an important factor to an empowered mindset.
Here are some more examples of accepting reality:
- This is happening, how do I want to show up?
- I did something I would not do again if given the chance, now what will I do?
- He/she is acting in a way I don’t like, who do I want to be in this situation?
These thoughts focus on reality which allows the brain to move toward solutions versus focusing on the problem.
What is a current challenge you are having?
Are you “shoulding”?
How can you shift your focus to acceptance?
If you need help with this, I can help you!
My name is Laura Hayek and I am a nurse coach who helps empower women over 40 to create habits for a healthier body, mind and spirit.
Check out my website, www.laurahayek.com, to schedule a free coaching session to discover how I can help you on your journey to holistic health!